the art of losing
“So I am not a broken heart. I am not the weight I lost or miles or ran and I am not the way I slept on my doorstep under the bare sky in smell of tears and whiskey because my apartment was empty and if I were to be this empty I wanted something solid to sleep on. Like concrete. I am not this last year and I am not your fault.”
Pepper’s still pale, she’s still sickly, and there’s still a moroseness to her – but there’s something resolute and tired about it now, like someone who’s gotten used to the weight on their shoulders and is just steadily marching on. She smiles more easily than she has in a while, perhaps as a defense mechanism, or perhaps because of apathy, it’s hard to tell.
Her red hair tends to be in waves and curls around her shoulders and down her back. Her outfits seem to especially flaunt her figure, but she likes short skirts and very low cut tops. She often carries a cane under her arm in case her leg gives out, and it’s a fancy looking thing – black, classy silver, and a bit too tall for her.
Pepper is generally friendly and warm to anyone who she meets, but after you get to know her she has a tendency to drop bombs on conversations, along the lines of “oh yeah I broke into someone’s house once.” She’s got a steady resolve that makes her incredibly stubborn; if she thinks she’s in the right, she has a tendency to really dig her heels in. A few topics can make her light up lately – primarily in regards to fencing, her dog, or certain nightclub owners.
- Eyes: Blue
- Hair: Red
- Height: 5’8"
- Build: Thin
- Distinguishing Features: Carries a cane.
- Known Things:
- Divorced (sort of) Paul Ford
- “Dating” Bastian Thoreaux
- Friends with Thelma
- Bartender therapist of Ness
- Works for Allison at Howl at the Moon
- Has a doggo named Bartleby
- Really likes birds. Most particularly has: JOHANN GODWALTZ, his squire Almond Crunch, Corduroy, and (the useless) Lorenzo
- Attends HEMA practice every other Saturday, sword training every Monday/Wednesday/Friday, and the gun range every Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday.
- Destructive Romance
- Despair Event Horizon
- Royal Rapier
- The Woobie
- Speaks Fluent Animal
- Most Common Superpower
- Lady in Red
- Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush
“And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
Be running up that road
Be running up that hill
Be running up that building
Say, if I only could, oh…
You don’t want to hurt me
But see how deep the bullet lies.”
- Rehab by Rihanna.
“Damn, ain’t it crazy when you’re love swept?
You’d do anything for the one you love
Cause anytime that you needed me I’d be there
It’s like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
It’s like I checked into rehab
And, baby, you’re my disease
It’s like I checked into rehab
And, baby, you’re my disease.”
- Chandelier by Sia
“Help me, I’m holding on for dear life,
won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light,
‘cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything,
I push it down, push it down
I’m the one “for a good time call”
Phone’s blowin’ up,
I feel the love, feel the love
Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame,
One, two, three, one, two, three, drink."
- The Chemicals Between Us by Bush.
“I want you to remember
A love so full it could send us all ways
I want you to surrender
All my feelings rose today
And I want you to remain
The power of children can amaze
I’ll try not to complain
I know that’s a pisser baby
The chemicals between us
The walls that lie between us
Lying in this bed.”
“At least what’s never had can’t be lost, the sieve
of self stuck with just some larger chunks, jawbone,
wedding ring, a single repeated dream,
a lullaby in every elegy, descriptions
of the sea written in the desert, your broken
umbrella, me claiming I could fix it.”